3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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