i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
