Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
