yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
