You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
