Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
