Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
