Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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