Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
