I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
