elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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