only if we run a train.
done.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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