i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
