mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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