i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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