u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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