My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
