none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
