Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
