we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
