Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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