The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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