clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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