she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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