Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
