So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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