Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
