Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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