yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
