i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
