It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
