So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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