Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
