I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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