Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
this is an emotional support booty call
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
