Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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