A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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