I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
