Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
