I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
