direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
