that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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