What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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