i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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