How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
