A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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