Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I got inside last night via doggy door
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
