I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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