Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
