sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
