Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
